I AM TIRED

I woke up this morning and all the feeling of going to work disappeared, like someone has programmed it that way. I know it isn't only me who feels this way sometimes and it is not because I am lazy nor I don't love my job. Actually I love it as it is my hobby... lol but I was just tired. I get paid for talking and being nice so much so that even when I am so angry no matter where, I still have the smile on my face and it isn't fake, the smile is just there. I smile and don't feel the pain of the muscles screaming out that i let them be, I just smile. When I am angry I smile, I am exhausted, I smile, A client is getting on my nerves, I smile, When I feel like crying, I smilecry (It is a word I learnt from my younger sister, smiling and crying done at the same time).... I have learnt the act of being nice and sounding nice, You see, Now I am tired.

I am tired of having people assume that those who smile are happy people, Tired of saying the word 'I am fine' when in the actually sense I just want to loose it for once. I am tired of wishing life can be better. I am tired of watching and not acting.

So, here I am, Smiling again as my fingers search the keys of my baby to make sentences, I am in the office, smiling at every person that passes by my desk, at every client that walks into the office, at the person on the receiving end of every call I make. I smile. No matter how tired I am, Its only a feeling because it is just a feeling that will...... pass away...